,,,''1pm Briefing - Monday the 4th of October 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
Lockdown protests happened last weekend. More are scheduled. This poses a public health risk.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Give Aucklanders picnics.->picnics]]
[[Send all of NZ to Level 4.->level4]]
[[Stay the course.->sameplan]]
[[Open up everything. Freedom!->freedom]]
#This Is A COVID-19 Announcement
Tēnā koe and congratulations!
''You are now the Prime Minister of Aotearoa New Zealand. ''
You are responsible with leading us through the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Will you choose freedom or tyranny?
Will you choose to let people live or die?
Will you choose to give people what they want?
It's all up to you.
//Please note that this is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental. You are not the real Prime Minister. Unless you are in which case, please ignore the last two sentences.//
[[Let the country know who is in charge.->setname]]
Note: this game is not meant to be an accurate model. For that, please refer to (link: "the awesome work of Te Pūnaha Matatini researchers Steyn, Plank, and Hendy")[(goto-url: 'https://cpb-ap-se2.wpmucdn.com/blogs.auckland.ac.nz/dist/d/75/files/2017/01/modelling-to-support-a-future-covid-19-strategy.pdf')].
(set: $casestoday to 29)(set: $casesactive to 250)(set: $casesactive_1wago to 110)(set: $casesactive_2wago to 50)(set: $casesactive_3wago to 25)(set: $casesactive_4wago to 15)(set: $casesthisweek to 140)(set: $casesthisweek_1wago to 60)(set: $casesthisweek_2wago to 25)(set: $casesthisweek_3wago to 10)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek to 10)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_1wago to 5)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_2wago to 2)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_3wago to 1)(set: $casestotal to 3992)(set: $casesrecoveredtotal to 3715)(set: $deathstoday to 0)(set: $deathsthisweek to 0)(set: $deathstotal to 27)(set: $Rt to 1.4)(set: $closecontacts to 6)(set: $vaccinatedpercent to 36)(set: $likelihoodofspread to 65)(set: $deathrate to 3)(set: $NZpopulation to 5000000)(set: $NZlevel to 2)(set: $aucklandlevel to 3)(set: $ventilatorcapacity to 350)''Explanations of Statistics''
The R value is the measure of how many people on average a case infects.
If the R values is above one, cases grow. If it's below one, cases fall.
You might have heard of R nought. This is the value for an outbreak where there are no prevention measures (vaccines) and no-one has the disease yet.
Rt is a measure which accounts for vaccinations and people who have already gotten the disease.
R values are quite complex to calculate. In this game it is simplified to:
R nought = People the sick person meets x Likelihood of spread
Rt, which is different at each point in time is:
Rt = People the sick person meets with x Likelihood of spread x proportion of population that is unvaccinated x proportion of population that haven't had the disease so far.
Rt can be lowered by reducing the chance of infectious people getting in contact with uninfected people and by vaccinating uninfected people.
If enough people are vaccinated, this stops the virus from passing through to people who can't get vaccinated like babies and cancer patients. This is called Herd Immunity.
IRL, you need to account for all the differences in different populations. This is why rookies shouldn't do mathematical modelling and we should leave it to smart people like (link: "Te Pūnaha Matatini researchers Steyn, Plank, and Hendy")[(goto-url: 'https://cpb-ap-se2.wpmucdn.com/blogs.auckland.ac.nz/dist/d/75/files/2017/01/modelling-to-support-a-future-covid-19-strategy.pdf')].
R values are used to calculate the exponential growth of cases.
If you think about 2x2 = 4 and 2x2x2 = 8 and 2x2x2x2 = 16, you can imagine that 2 to the power of 10 is already a huge number.
In this game the exponential growth function is:
Active cases this week = (Active cases last week x Rt) - Cases recovered this week.
In reality, this is way too simple because people with COVID-19 can infect others from anywhere from Day 2 onwards. There are smart people out there who use more complex formulae for R values. (link: "Take a look at this awesome paper from the Royal Society in the UK if you would like to look at R values in more detail.")[(goto-url: 'https://royalsociety.org/-/media/policy/projects/set-c/set-covid-19-R-estimates.pdf')].
(link: "Also, check out this fantastic interactive explainable by Nicky Case.")[(goto-url: 'https://ncase.me/covid-19/')].
When you're ready to go back, click the arrow on the left. (set: $username to (prompt: "What is your name?", ""))
''Are you ready to be in charge of this great nation?''
[[Of course. I was born ready.|ready]]
[[Absolutely not. I don't know the first thing about how to lead a nation.|ohokay]]Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
This is just a friendly email to update you on the news of the week.
Each choice you make will take you forward one week.
Today is Monday the 4th of October.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->4th October 2021]]
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 11th of October 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
The vaccine passport intitiative is almost complete. We will need to confirm the final details with you.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Create a vaccine passport. Require that the Government passport be used at all large gatherings.|yespassports]]
[[Endorse vaccine passports but don't create one yourself. That's what the free market is for.|yeahsortofpassports]]
[[Quietly ignore that anyone ever asked for vaccine passports|ignorepassports]]
[[Make all vaccine passports illegal. Freedom and stuff.|nopassports]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to give Aucklanders picnics.
Aucklanders will now meet each other more often.
Peter Mortlock and Brian Tamaki have a picnic together.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->11th October 2021]]
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to take all of NZ to Level 4.
The South Island is pretty mad. Adherence is not as good as you would like.
Peter Mortlock and Brian Tamaki host a very large protest.
Their riots turn violent. There were 3 COVID-19 positive people at the protest.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->11th October 2021]]
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$NZlevel to 4)
(set:$aucklandlevel to 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to stay the course.
Some Aucklanders are mad. Most are still chill.
Mission Bay has a lot of people mingling without masks.
Peter Mortlock and Brian Tamaki host another moderately sized protest.
There was one sick case at the protest.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->11th October 2021]]
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to give everyone their freedom.
Everyone meets with everyone.
Peter Mortlock and Brian Tamaki are pretty upset because they wanted to cause drama.
Labour, Greens, and Te Pāti Māori all say you're insane.
Siouxsie Wiles pulls her hair out.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->11th October 2021]]
(set:$closecontacts to it + 3)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set: $NZlevel to 1)
(set: $aucklandlevel to 1)
Oh. Okay. Sorry. We didn't mean to upset you.
I guess we'll just put Jacinda back in charge and act like this didn't happen.
[[Would you like to start over?|Start]]Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to require passports at all major events.
Businesses are pleased with certainty.
Some more people want to protest.
Some overseas leaders call you a Nazi and a Democrat loser.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->18th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to get the free market to make a passport.
There are some fake government passports which trick some people.
Some other groups make passports but apparently all the data is sold to Facebook.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->18th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to ignore the question about passports.
Tova O'Brien noticed and called you out.
Newshub puts a video on YouTube called "$username slammed by Newshub reporter". It gets several hundred thousand views.
Someone else makes a trap remix of it.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->18th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to ban vaccine passports.
Some overseas leaders call you a Populist and a Republican loser.
Businesses are upset by a lack of control but pleased with certainty.
David Seymour writes you a love letter. Chlöe Swarbrick pulls the finger at you.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->18th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 18th of October 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
Schools are preparing to reopen. Will need to confirm our policies for students' returning to the classroom.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Schools return as if there is no such thing as COVID-19.|normalschool]]
[[Require all staff and students over 12 to wear masks.|maskedschool]]
[[Require all teachers to be vaccinated and mandate all staff and students over 12 to wear masks.|vaccinatedschool]]
[[Require all students to be in bubbles of no more than 10, mandate all teachers be vaccinated, and require every child to wear a mask.|bubbleschool]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to open schools as normal.
Parents are pleased. Teachers hate you and go on strike.
With teachers on strike, children don't return to school anyway.
You worry that they'll go around spreading germs but they just spend more time on TikTok.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->25th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 68)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to open schools with masks for over 12s.
Parents are pleased.
Primary school teachers feel undervalued.
You recieve some angry sculptures made out of macaroni and papier-mâché.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->25th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 63)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to open schools with all teachers needing to be vaccinated.
Parents are pleased. Some schools have more teachers unavailable than others.
Heather du Plessis-Allan writes a scathing piece in The NZ Herald titled "Opinion: $username Doesn't Believe In Freedom"
It is behind a paywall.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->25th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 7)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 64)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to open schools with bubbles of no more than 10 students, mandatory vaccinations, and mask wearing by all students.
Parents are pleased. Schools find it impossible to maintain the bubbles as they were already out of classroom space.
You are reminded by the NZ Principals' Federation that the only classrooms built for the last 20 years are Modern Learning Environments which are like hot boxes for COVID-19.
Early Childhood Educators are unable to get their students to stop eating their masks and licking each other.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->25th October 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 25th of October 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
This week has another major alert level review scheduled.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
(if: (history:) contains "picnics")[[
Stay the course. The boring option.->picnicsmaintained]](if: (history:) contains "picnics")[[
Go to Level 5. The nuclear option.->picnicsl5]](if: (history:) contains "picnics")[[
Go to Level 1. Stuff it. The give up option.->picnicsl1]](if: (history:) contains "picnics")[[
Remove picnics. The no more picnics for you because you said mean things option.->picnicsl3]]
(if: (history:) contains "freedom")[[
Stay the free course. The boring option.->freedommaintained]](if: (history:) contains "freedom")[[
Go to Level 5. The nuclear option.->freedoml5]](if: (history:) contains "freedom")[[
Go to back to Level 3 with picnics. The I miss the excuse to take the lads out for a cute picnics option.->freedompicnics]](if: (history:) contains "freedom")[[
Make picnics illegal. Keep everything else open. The no more picnics for you because you said mean things option.->freedomnopicnics]]
(if: (history:) contains "sameplan")[[
Stay the course. The super boring option.->sameplanmaintained]](if: (history:) contains "sameplan")[[
Go to Level 5. The nuclear option.->sameplanl5]](if: (history:) contains "sameplan")[[
Go to Level 1. Stuff it. The give up option.->sameplanl1]](if: (history:) contains "sameplan")[[
Remove picnics for the rest of New Zealand. The no more picnics for you because you said mean things option.->sameplannopicnics]]
(if: (history:) contains "level4")[[
Go straight down to Level 1. Stuff it. The give up option.->l4l1]](if: (history:) contains "level4")[[
Go to Level 3. The bring back takeaways option.->l4l3]](if: (history:) contains "level4")[[
Stay the course. The still no takeaways option.->l4maintained]](if: (history:) contains "level4")[[
Go to Level 5. The nuclear option.->l4l5]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to create incredibly high restrictions.
The army are brought in. No one can leave their homes.
You are criticised for being a yo-yo decision maker.
A bunch of people protest for 'freedom' again.
There is a counter protest on Microsoft Teams. The host can't figure out how to let people in.
Cases get worse. People are really sad.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 5)
(set:$NZlevel to 5)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to stay the course.
You are criticised for lacking vision.
Cases get worse. People on the whole are sad.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to give up and go to level 1 for everyone.
You are criticised for giving up.
Cases get worse. People are initially happy.
Then their friends start to get sick with this weird cough.
They think it's nothing until they put 1 and 1 together to make COVID-19 positive.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 1)
(set:$NZlevel to 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 2)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to remove picnics out of spite.
You are criticised for throwing a tantrum.
People have angry picnics instead. Cases get worse.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 1st of November 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
Groups are calling for punishments be implemented to reduce rule breaking.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Increase fines for rich people breaking the rules traveling to their holiday homes.|finesholidayhomes]]
[[Increase fines for poor people breaking the rules traveling to jobs they have to do to put food on the table.|finespoverty]]
[[Increase fines for politicians who like mountain bike riding too much.|finesbikes]]
[[Increase fines for gang members doing gang stuff.|finesgangs]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to stay the course of freedom.
You are criticised for prioritising freedom over people's lives.
Cases start to skyrocket.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to create incredibly high restrictions.
The army are brought in. No one can leave their homes.
You are criticised for being really inconsistent.
A bunch of people protest for 'freedom' again.
You have managed to make most people dislike you.
Cases get worse. People are really sad.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 5)
(set:$NZlevel to 5)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 2)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to reintroduce picnics and L3 restrictions for Auckland.
You are criticised for being too into picnics.
Aucklanders have angry picnics.
Cases get worse. People in Auckland are sad. Even those who are picnicing.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$aucklandlevel to 3)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to make all picnics illegal.
You are criticised for throwing a tantrum.
You've encouraged so much freedom that people have protest picnics.
A black market develops for picnic utensils and old rugs.
Cases get worse.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to stay the course.
You are criticised for lacking any vision.
Cases get worse. People are feeling directionless.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to create incredibly high restrictions.
The army are brought in. No one can leave their homes.
You are criticised for both making the decision and not having made it weeks ago.
A bunch of people protest for 'freedom' again.
There is a counter protest on Microsoft Teams. The host can't figure out how to let people in.
Cases get worse. People are really sad.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 5)
(set:$NZlevel to 5)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to give up and go to level 1 for everyone.
You both are criticised for giving up and for not giving up sooner.
Cases get worse. People are initially happy.
Then their friends start to get sick with this weird cough.
They think it's nothing until they put 1 and 1 together to make COVID-19 positive.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 1)
(set:$NZlevel to 1)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 2)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to make all picnics illegal across Aotearoa New Zealand.
You are criticised for throwing a tantrum and for being a yo-yo decision maker.
People have protest picnics. A black market develops for picnic utensils and old rugs.
Cases get worse.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to keep the country at level 4.
You are criticised for not having a plan for the future.
Cases still get worse. People are feeling sad.
Michael Baker proposes something that seems radical but in 3 months will seem like common sense.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to create incredibly high restrictions.
The army are brought in. No one can leave their homes.
You are both criticised for increasing restrictions and for not having done this sooner.
A bunch of people protest for 'freedom' again.
There is a counter protest on Microsoft Teams. The host can't figure out how to let people in.
Cases get worse. People are really sad.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 5)
(set:$NZlevel to 5)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to give up and go to level 1 for everyone.
You both are criticised for giving up and for not giving up sooner.
People are initially happy.
Then their friends start to get sick with this weird cough.
They think it's nothing until they put 1 and 1 together to make COVID-19 positive.
Cases get much worse.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$aucklandlevel to 1)
(set:$NZlevel to 1)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 2)
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to take all of NZ to level 3.
You are criticised for being a yo-yo decision maker.
The lines outside KFC are enormous.
Cases continue to get worse.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->1st November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to fine rich people who travel to their holiday homes during lockdowns.
There are quickly several legal cases pending.
Wine and deck chair sales increase.
Mike Hosking uninvites you from his Ferrari owners' get-together.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->8th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to fine poor people trying to put food on the table.
The rules are not very effective as the amount of money in the fines is similar to missing work.
The Spinoff publishes some scathing poems about you.
Suzy Cato uninvites you from her upcoming KidsCan Benefit Show.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->8th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
=Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to fine politicians who ride mountain bikes too much.
The rules are not very effective as most politicians are too rich or busy to cycle regulary.
The Green Party are upset on principle.
James Shaw removes you from his Saturdays We Go Cycling Facebook Group.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->8th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to fine gang members who do gang things.
The rules are not very effective because financial disincentives don't deter financial crimes.
The Spinoff publishes a critical long form piece on how your policy is unlikely to make much of a difference.
Several other news outlets publish short articles with titles like "$username Tough On Gangs" and "$username Says Crime Doesn't Pay".
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->8th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 66)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 8th of November 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
People in the South Island are saying very nasty things about you. There are even talks of secession. Your political aide suggests that if you bribe people they will stop saying bad things about you.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Give everyone a $50 takeaway voucher.|bribestakeaways]]
[[Give people who earn over $100,000 per year a tax break.|bribestaxbreakrich]]
[[Give people who earn less than $30,000 per year a tax break.|bribestaxbreakpoor]]
[[Give everyone a copy of Lorde's Te Ao Mārama album on wax.|bribeslorde]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to give everyone a takeaway voucher.
Your policy costs $250,000,000.
People are happy and temporarily ignore your past failures.
An extra 2,000,000 burgers are consumed this week.
Demand for meat and dairy skyrockets.
For economics reasons which the treasury tries to explain to you, a block of cheese is now $20.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->15th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 65)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 15th of November 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
Your top political aide suggests that to stop your poll numbers from falling you could distract people. That way they won't think about all the previous missteps you've made.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Announce a flag referendum. Include the Laser Kiwi as an option.|distractflag]]
[[Put a bill before parliament that bans owning cats.|distractcats]]
[[Make a speech where you slip up on a phrase and it sounds somewhat lewd.|distractspeech]]
[[Publish a book which paints anything remotely positive as a riproaring success and any failures as not your own or honest mistakes.|distractbook]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to give everyone a copy of Lorde's album Te Ao Mārama on vinyl.
Your policy will cost $225 million dollars.
For economics reasons which the treasury tries to explain to you, everyone is vibing.
This causes more people to meet up and boogie.
People seem to be happy and forget for a moment your previous failures.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->15th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to give a tax break to rich people.
Your policy will cost $2 billion dollars by the end of the year.
Rich people are happy and temporarily ignore your past failures.
Middle income and poor people are pretty pissed off.
For economics reasons which the treasury tries to explain to you, house prices jump 20% during the week.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->15th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chosen to give a tax break to poor people.
Your policy will cost $200 million dollars by the end of the year.
Poor people are pleasantly surprised.
For economics reasons which the treasury tries to explain to you, the tax break only gives an extra $12 per household per week.
This is enough to buy one additional block of cheese.
Middle income and rich people are pretty pissed off.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->15th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to cancel all exams and to give everyone an Excellence.
Most students are super happy. The nerds are a little sad.
Universities are scrambling to figure out how to separate who gets into their courses.
The University of Auckland replaces rank score with trial by combat for all first-year applicants.
NEON gains exclusive rights to stream this.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->29th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to cancel all exams and to require students resit the exam next year.
Students feel very conflicted. The nerds are a distraught.
Universities are scrambling to figure out how to deal with revenue losses given they will have no new students next year.
The University of Otago looks to turn Castle Street into a theme park.
Suggested attractions are The Flaming Couch Ride, The Six60 3D Experience, and a roller coaster which emulates the feelings of a regular Tuesday night.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->29th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it -1)Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to keep all exams on and in person.
Most sudents are very upset. The nerds are delighted.
Many students are only just starting their revision.
The Ministry of Education informs you that this is normal.
You become the subject of a TikTok trend #bBbBeans$username which you think is a dig at you.
You are not 100% sure of this because Gen Z humour is quite absurd.
No one at the Ministry of Education understands the trend either.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->29th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to keep all exams on but to allow students to sit them online.
Most sudents are very upset. The nerds are delighted.
The Ministry of Education attempts to frantically fund an online exam system.
The chosen system is called NOVOexam. The company logo has the word "pay" crossed out with red crayon and replaced with "exam".
No one seems concerned.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->29th November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1) ''1pm Briefing - Monday the 29th of November 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
A large number of South Islanders want to secede and form their own country. Protests are held in all the major cities; Christchurch. You will need to respond to these.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Ignore them. No one matters south of the Bombays.|siignore]]
[[Have a referendum on whether the South Island should secede. It won't pass anyway.|sidemocracy]]
[[Run a publicity blitz to win the hearts and minds of the South Island.|simedia]]
[[Send in the army. You can't be made to look weak.|siarmy]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to ignore the protestors.
Some engineers in Picton figure out how to move Te Waka a Māui by placing the Interislander Ferry in just the right spot.
The new country Te Waipounamu becomes a mobile country and begins to travel towards the warmer waters of the North East.
They take around 40% of Aotearoa New Zealand's dairy exports and a third of all vineyards.
Pretty much everyone blames you for mishandling the situation.
The UN still counts cases in Te Waipounamu as part of your total.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->6th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it - 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to hold a referendum on whether the South Island should become its own country. It costs $26 million. (if: (history:) contains "distractflag")[
This is your second referendum in just a few weeks.
People accuse you of being too lazy to govern.]
The vote is close but 51.89% chose to secede.
The country takes the name Te Waipounamu and elects The Wizard as President.
Pretty much everyone blames you for mishandling the situation.
The UN still counts cases in Te Waipounamu as part of your total.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->6th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1) Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to get the army involved to prevent South Island secession.
Everyone feels pretty uncomfortable and this causes even more tension.
Most of the South Island army officers don't like you.
They hold a coup and form a new South Island dictatorship called the Democratic Republic of Aotearoa.
They write a charter where they refuse to acknowledge the existance of a North Island.
Pretty much everyone blames you for mishandling the situation.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->6th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to run a media blitz in the South Island to keep people from seceding.
You plan a series of events but they don't go very well.
You make a real mess of shearing a sheep on live television.
You go for a zipline ride but it gets stuck half way through.
You go for a walk down a street in Christchurch which normally alligns with your political leanings but no-one wants to talk with you.
In an act of bipartisanship, all the South Island local councils form an alliance.
The Super Council decrees that Te Waipounamu is a republic and secedes from Aotearoa New Zealand.
Pretty much everyone blames you for mishandling the situation.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->6th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 6th of December 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
The people are pretty restless now that the South Island has seceded.
Your advisors suggest celebrating a current success in some way.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Celebrate our high levels of vaccination.|successvaccines]]
[[Celebrate the hard work of essential service workers.|successessential]]
[[Celebrate the tireless efforts of the health sector.|successhealth]]
[[Celebrate the leadership of politicians and civil servants.|successpolitics]]
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 22nd of November 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
NCEA Exams are starting on Monday. You will need to make decisions on how they are held.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Cancel all exams. Everyone gets Excellence.|examscancelled]]
[[Cancel all exams. Everyone has to redo the exams next year.|examscancelledredo]]
[[Exams are on as normal. They must be sat in person.|examson]]
[[Exams are on as normal. They can be sat virtually.|examsonline]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to hold a flag referendum. The cost of the referendum is $23 million.
People contact each other on the way to the polls.
Everyone votes for the Laser Kiwi because it is obviously the best design.
The military asks for an exemption to use the previous flag when burying service personnel.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->22nd November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to put a bill in the biscuit tin that would ban anyone from owning cats.
Some people know that you don't actually want to ban cats but just want to cause a distraction.
Most people don't notice.
Patrick Gower hosts another TV3 special titled 'Patrick Gower on Catnip'.
Your bill doesn't pass.
You fall in the polls but not nearly as much as you were before.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->22nd November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You 'accidentally' have a Freudian slip.
It's genuinely quite funny.
It becomes a moderately sized meme.
You jump in the polls.
Someone sends you some merch incorporating your phrase.
You bring it to wear at the next 1pm Briefing.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->22nd November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 64)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to quickly whip up and publish a book.
You hire a ghost writer to put it together.
You title it $username: My Story.
The critics say it's trash but it sells quite well.
You host a brief book tour which is highly attended.
It makes you seem more approachable.
You jump in the polls.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->22nd November 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 13th of December 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
I'm sorry $username. I don't have any more advice. All your main advisors have left.
People all around you are calling for your resignation. Perhaps you can convince them its okay if you make the right call about Christmas.
Your advisors have given you the following options.
''What is your decision, Prime Minister $username?''
[[Allow Christmas to go ahead as normal. Encourage everyone to share (COVID-19) in this time of giving.|christmasnormal]]
[[Allow Christmas to go ahead as normal but encourage people to get vaccinated beforehand.|christmasvaccinated]]
[[Move all Christmas celebrations online to reduce the chance of elderly relatives getting COVID-19.|christmasvirtual]]
[[Ban Christmas. Literally be the grinch.|christmasgrinch]]
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 20th of December 2021''
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
I'm sorry $username. I don't have any more advice. All your main advisors have left.
//You don't really have much option other than to resign.//
''How will you resign, Prime Minister $username?''
[[I won't go without a fight.|resignationfight]]
[[I will quietly disappear into the night.|resignationdisappear]]
[[I will post an apology video resignation to YouTube.|resignationYouTube]]
[[I will do a speech which starts off dignified but as soon as I open for questions I will blame everyone except myself.|resignationspeech]]
''Christmas Lunch - Friday the 25th of December 2021''
Your whānau Christmas lunch is (if: (history:) contains "christmasnormal")[held at your grandmothers house who is excited to see you but refuses to come out of her room given everyone has COVID-19.](if: (history:) contains "christmasvaccinated")[held at your grandmothers house who got COVID-19 recently but was fortunately vaccinated so did not get seriously unwell](if: (history:) contains "christmasvirtual")[held over zoom much to your grandmother's annoyance.](if: (history:) contains "christmasgrinch")[held at your grandmother's house under the guise of a Friday Family book club.]
Your cousin who is a primary school teacher helps you to set things up. (if: (history:) contains "normalschool")[They tell you about what it was like striking against you when you reopened schools.](if: (history:) contains "maskedschool")[They tell you about what it was like trying to explain mask wearing to five year olds.](if: (history:) contains "vaccinatedschool")[They tell you what it was like having conversations with their few unvaccinated colleagues when you mandated vaccinations for teachers.](if: (history:) contains "bubbleschool")[They tell you about how difficult it was to maintain small bubbles of students. They tell you all about how much they hate Modern Learning Environments.]
Your granddad pours himself a 6th whiskey and berates you for (if: (history:) contains "picnicsmaintained" or "freedompicnics")[not getting rid of stupid picnics](if: (history:) contains "picnicsl3" or "freedomnopicnics" or "sameplannopicnics")[getting rid of picnics as that was his favourite alert level combo](if: (history:) contains "picnicsl5" or "picnicsl1" or "freedoml5" or "sameplanl5" or "sameplanl1" or "l4l5" or "l4l1"or "l4l1" or "l4l3")[flip-flopping with your decisions on alert levels](if: (history:) contains "freedommaintained" or "sameplanmaintained" or "l4maintained")[not changing when your initial plan was so clearly a bad idea].
Your weird uncle has a 45 minute conversation with you about why vaccine passports are bad and (if: (history:) contains "yespassports")[you are bad for having supported them.](if: (history:) contains "yeahsortofpassports")[how you allowed everyone's data to be sold to Facebook.](if: (history:) contains "ignorepassports")[how Tova O'Brien was right to slam you in that article.](if: (history:) contains "nopassports")[how great David Seymour is and how wrong Chöe Swarbrick is.]
Your wealthy aunty tells you how (if: (history:) contains "finesholidayhomes")[bad it was of you to fine those lovely wealthy mates of hers who put everyone at risk by breaking alert level restrictions to go to their holiday homes.](if: (history:) contains "finespoverty")[excellent it was of you to fine those poor people breaking restrictions while trying to put food on the table. She talks to you about how hard work is all 'these people' need to do while she texts her lawyer about the changes she needs to make to the trust fund she has in the name of her chihuahua.](if: (history:) contains "finesbikes")[excellent it was of you to fine politicians who ride bikes. She talks to you more about how much easier it is to hit cyclists in her new Audi.](if: (history:) contains "finesgangs")[excellent it was of you to fine gang members. She talks about Leighton Smith's nuanced and insightful opinions on your policies.]
Your niece who is studying politics and economics takes you aside while you're getting lunch to discuss (if: (history:) contains "bribestakeaways")[how obvious your bribe of takeaways was and just how badly those extra 2,000,000 burgers ruined the environment. You put down the meat tongs and reach for the salad.](if: (history:) contains "bribestaxbreakrich")[how terrible it was you gave a tax break to the rich and how the trickle down effect is fake. She gives you a reference to a working paper from the London School of Economics by Hope and Limberg on the subject. You tell her you will absolutely read it.](if: (history:) contains "bribestaxbreakpoor")[how you didn't give a large enough tax break to the poor. She begins to talk to you about the differences between new classical macroeconomics and new Keynesian economics. You do your best to pay attention.](if: (history:) contains "bribeslorde")[how good Lorde's Te Ao Māmara EP is. She raves about the Te Reo Māori knowledge of Hēmi Kelly and Hana Mereraiha and you vibe with her about the strategic vision of Dame Hinewehi Mohi.]
Your cousin (if: (history:) contains "distractflag")[who is in the army shows you his new uniform with the Laser Kiwi flag sewn onto the sleeve.](if: (history:) contains "distractcats")[who is a campaigner for The Opportunities Party tells you how upset he was the banning cats referendum didn't pass.](if: (history:) contains "distractspeech")[who works for the Warehouse Group tells you just how many mugs and shirts with your Freudian slip printed on them they sold.](if: (history:) contains "distractbook")[who manages a local bookshop tells you just what he thought of your ghostwritten autobiography.]
Your nephews come up to you while you're playing backyard cricket. (if: (history:) contains "examscancelled")[They tell you how stoked they are that exams were cancelled. One of them says he is going to the University of Auckland for Engineering. He tells you to stay tuned to NEON for his tryout.](if: (history:) contains "examscancelledredo")[They tell you how stoked they are that exams were cancelled but also how gutted they are to have to redo NCEA Level 3. One of them says he is going to head to Dunedin to visit the Castle Street Themepark which opens next month so he can have a taste of the university experience.](if: (history:) contains "examson")[They tell you just how lame you are for having kept exams on as they all felt so unprepared. Your nerdy nephew tells you quietly afterwards that he actually really enjoyed doing his exams. You promise not to tell the others.](if: (history:) contains "examsonline")[They tell you just how bad the exams went with that NOVOexam system. One of your nephews says instead of a Level 3 Calculus exam he got a Level 1 Dance exam. He seems confident. You're not so sure.]
Your grandmother's brother from Nelson gives you an earful about the South Island secession. (if: (history:) contains "siignore")[He tells you that now they've moved Te Waipounamu to the warmer waters of the Pacific the fishing is much better.](if: (history:) contains "sidemocracy")[He tells you he voted for the secession but he never thought it would really happen.](if: (history:) contains "simedia")[He tells you your media blitz was a shambles and that Tim Shadbolt is now in charge of the Super Council. Apparently, now that he is in charge of all the council buildings across Te Waipounamu, his first policy was to increase his bubble wrapped collection of furniture, mattresses and a large appliances.](if: (history:) contains "siarmy")[He tells you about the team he is a part of which is in charge of removing the North Island from all world maps. Apparently this is a smaller job than was originally anticipated.]
Your niece (if: (history:) contains "successvaccines")[who is a COVID-19 vaccinator tells you about how your celebration of the vaccine rollout was a little premature considering the number of cases and the lack of prioritisation for Māori. She asks if you could have done more to work with Māori Health Providers. You struggle to answer.](if: (history:) contains "successessential")[who is a high school student with a part-time job at Pakn'Save tells you just how many of her mates were working to support their families. She asks you if you could have supported them to be on a living wage or given better support to students who found themselves in this vulnerable position. You struggle to answer.](if: (history:) contains "successhealth")[who is a first-year house officer at Middlemore Hospital tells you about working at 140% capacity in a building which is literally falling apart. She asks you if you could have supported better infrastructure or a better system of GPs to reduce the pressure on the Emergency Department. You struggle to answer.](if: (history:) contains "successpolitics")[who is a policy analyst in the Ministry of Social Development tells you about working several 80+ hour weeks to make the framework for the COVID-19 Wage Subsidy scheme. She asks you if you could have done better to pass policies which would have reduced our need for stop gap measures or reduced the flow of government funds into the hands of the already wealthy. You struggle to answer.]
As the lunch draws to a close, your sibling comes up to talk with you about your resignation. (if: (history:) contains "resignationfight")[They talk with you about the terrible example you set for their children by leaving kicking and screaming. You mention the secret tunnel in the Beehive for getting snacks when too many media are around.](if: (history:) contains "resignationdisappear")[They talk with you about how scary it was for the whānau when you went missing and how embarrassing it was when you turned back up. You mention working with the NZSIS to develop your fake mustache.](if: (history:) contains "resignationYouTube")[They talk with you about how uncomfortable it was watching your YouTube video where you resigned. You talk about the best lighting spots for insta shots in the Beehive.](if: (history:) contains "resignationspeech")[They talk with you about how uncomfortable it was watching your resignation speech when you were asked questions and did not take responsibility for any of the decisions you made. You talk about your worries about the birds in the tree above you pooping midway through the speech.]
You discuss the hard realities of making decisions in political office and the need for having your decisions scrutinized.
You give them (if: (history:) contains "christmasnormal")[a hug goodbye and drive back home](if: (history:) contains "christmasvaccinated")[an elbow goobye and drive back home](if: (history:) contains "christmasvirtual")[a virtual wave goobye and turn off your computer](if: (history:) contains "christmasgrinch")[an quiet elbow goodbye and sneakily drive back home] to try and forget things.
[[On Monday you decide to tune in to the 1pm briefing.|27th December 2021]]
''1pm Briefing - Monday the 27th of December 2021''
The new Prime Minister Suzy Cato will be sworn in later today.
(if:$deathstoday is >0) [
Today's Deaths - $deathstoday.]
Today's Cases - $casestoday.
Active Community Cases - $casesactive.
Deaths Total - $deathstotal.
Cases Total - $casestotal.
Percentage of Population Fully Vaccinated - $vaccinatedpercent%.
(if:$aucklandlevel is not $NZlevel) [
Auckland is at Alert Level $aucklandlevel.
The rest of ]NZ is at Alert Level $NZlevel.
''Papa Bloomfield's Super Cool Stats''
The average person with COVID-19 meets with $closecontacts people.
On average, (round: $closecontacts * ($vaccinatedpercent/100)) of those people are fully vaccinated.
The (link:"R value")[(go-to:"Explained Statistics")] is now (print: (round:($Rt*100))/100). (if: $ventilatoroccupancy > $ventilatorcapacity) [
All the ventilators in country were being used today.]
''Credits''
Made by (link: "Peter")[(goto-url: 'https://www.kiaoramrwills.com')] in (link: "Twine")[(goto-url: 'https://twinery.org')].
Thanks to Leina, Ashleigh, Charles, and Clodagh for testing and checking my terrible spelling.
Thanks to all the great researchers who do amazing science communication, epidemiology, and statistical modelling.
Thanks to all essential workers. You deserve to be paid well.
Thanks to the politicians and civil servants who have had to make some incredibly tough decisions over the last year.
Thanks to the journalists for holding our systems to account.
Thanks to all teachers, students, and principals. Online learning sucks.
(link: "Would you like to redo your time in charge? Maybe you'll do better this time. It always looks easier with hindsight")[(reload:)]
Tēnā koe Rt Hon $username,
You chose to not go without a fight. You lose the fight.
You are forcibly removed from office. Your possessions are thrown out of the top of the Beehive.
You catch an Ola home because you're not able to use the government car.
Most people think the whole escapade was pretty cringeworthy.
You are surprisingly still invited to your family Christmas.
[[Shall we head to the whānau Christmas lunch?->25th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Rt Hon $username,
You chose to try to disappear.
You wear a fake mustache and go by the name B$username Smith.
David Farrier uses his journalism skills and discovers your false identity within two days.
He and Dylan Reeve publish a piece unmasking you on Webworm.
Stephen Fry wants to fund a documentary on the saga.
Most people think the whole escapade was pretty cringeworthy.
You are surprisingly still invited to your family Christmas.
[[Shall we head to the whānau Christmas lunch?->25th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Rt Hon $username,
You chose to upload an apology resignation video to YouTube.
You include all the classic touches; the sigh, looking away from the camera, weird breathing, attractive crying, drawing it out, showing the camera turning off at the end, and a sponsorship for Hello Fresh in the middle.
You are called out for being a fake.
The video gets a lot of dislikes but lots of people watch it.
You video makes about $10,000.
Most people think the whole escapade was pretty cringeworthy.
You are surprisingly still invited to your family Christmas.
[[Shall we head to the whānau Christmas lunch?->25th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Rt Hon $username,
You chose to hold a resignation speech outside parliament.
You include all the classic touches; not talking at all about why you are leaving, weird breathing, semi-attractive crying, talking up your legacy, talking smack about other politicias, and saying "now is a time for healing".
Journalists ask you questions afterwards in which you say it is everyone elses fault.
Most people think the whole escapade was pretty cringeworthy.
You are surprisingly still invited to your family Christmas.
[[Shall we head to the whānau Christmas lunch?->25th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to encourage everyone to have Christmas as normal.
Modelling experts Tyra Banks, Rachel Hunter, and Colin Mathura-Jeffree say you're putting people at risk.
Modelling experts Nicholas Steyn, Michael Plank, and Shaun Hendy say you're putting people at risk.
Now attractive people and nerdy people don't like you.
While people are excited for Christmas, overall people are still deeply unhappy. This policy has absolutely increased the spread of COVID-19.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->20th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 65)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to have a normal Christmas but have encouraged vaccinations.
Vaccine advocates are pleased but nervous.
Modelling experts Tyra Banks, Rachel Hunter, and Colin Mathura-Jeffree say you're putting people at risk.
Modelling experts Nicholas Steyn, Michael Plank, and Shaun Hendy say you're putting people at risk.
While people are excited for Christmas, overall people are still deeply unhappy. Also, this policy has slightly increased the spread of COVID-19.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->20th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 8)
(set:$likelihoodofspread to 65)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to ban Christmas and be a real grinch.
Modelling experts Tyra Banks, Rachel Hunter, and Colin Mathura-Jeffree say this is the right call but that you're a real meany.
Modelling experts Nicholas Steyn, Michael Plank, and Shaun Hendy say this is the right call but that you're a real meany.
While you have made many people deeply upset, you have slightly decreased the spread of COVID-19.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->20th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closeconects to it - 2)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to have a virtual Christmas this year.
Modelling experts Tyra Banks, Rachel Hunter, and Colin Mathura-Jeffree say this is the right call.
Modelling experts Nicholas Steyn, Michael Plank, and Shaun Hendy say this is the right call.
While you have made many people deeply unhappy, you have slightly decreased the spread of COVID-19.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->20th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closeconects to it - 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 6)
You chose to celebrate the success of our vaccination roleout.
$vaccinatedpercent% of the population are fully vaccinated which would be impressive if it were done 6 months ago.
Every other political party claims they would have vaccinated the remaining (round: 100-$vaccinatedpercent)% by now.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->13th December 2021]]
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to celebrate the hard work of essential workers like supermarket staff.
The highschool students currently working double shifts to support their families do not tune in to your press conference.
There is another petition to pay supermarket workers a living wage.
Many prominent academics support this petition.
The New Zealand Food & Grocery Council pays a blog to write degrading stories about those academics.
It is quietly hushed up but apparently Nicky Harger is going to write a book about it.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->13th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to celebrate the hard work of essential workers like doctors, nurses, and the testing workforce.
You encourage everyone to break into applause at 5pm each day to celebrate them.
People gather to clap which somewhat undermines the efforts of the health system.
You get a whole bunch of angry letters from nurses asking you to pay them better.
The letters are written in excellent cursive.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->13th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(set:$closecontacts to it + 1)
Tēnā koe Prime Minister $username,
You chose to celebrate the leadership shown by politicians and civil servants.
Even though you and your team have worked quite hard, it doesn't go down very well celebrating yourself.
No one makes cool art of you like they do for Ashley Bloomfield.
When you Google yourself, no one has made a 'lo-fi $username beats to stop COVID-19 to playlist'.
A week passes.
[[Shall we head to your 1pm Briefing?->13th December 2021]]
(set:$vaccinatedpercent to it + 4)
(if: $username is "Marama Davidson" or "marama davidson" or "James Shaw" or "james shaw" or "Chloe Swarbrick" or "chloe swarbrick" or "Chlöe Swarbrick" or "chlöe swarbrick") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#2CC84D'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#ffffff');</script>] (if: $username is "Jacinda Ardern" or "jacinda ardern") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#d82c20'); </script>] (if: $username is "Judith Collins" or "judith collins") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#288dcc'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#ffffff');</script>] (if: $username is "David Seymour" or "david seymour") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#ffcc00'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#EEE8AA'); </script>] (if: $username is "Rawiri Waititi" or "rawiri waititi" or "Debbie Ngarewa-Packer" or "debbie ngarewa-packer") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#181415'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#d50000');</script>] (if: $username is "Ashley Bloomfield" or "ashley bloomfield" or "Daddy Bloomfield" or "daddy bloomfield") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#FFC0CB'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#89CFF0');</script>] (if: $username is "Winston Peters" or "winston peters" or "Winnie P" or "winnie p") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#181415'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#808080');</script>] (if: $username is "Siouxsie Wiles" or "siouxsie wiles") [<script>$('html')
var r = document.querySelector(':root'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe-color', '#FFC0CB'); r.style.setProperty('--stripe2-color', '#ff007f');</script>]
(if: (passage:)'s tags contains "briefing") [(set: $casesactive_4wago to $casesactive_3wago)(set: $casesactive_3wago to $casesactive_2wago)(set: $casesactive_2wago to $casesactive_1wago)(set: $casesactive_1wago to $casesactive)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_3wago to $casesrecoveredthisweek_2wago)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_2wago to $casesrecoveredthisweek_1wago)(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek_1wago to $casesrecoveredthisweek)(set: $casesthisweek_3wago to $casesthisweek_2wago)(set: $casesthisweek_2wago to $casesthisweek_1wago)(set: $casesthisweek_1wago to $casesthisweek)]
(if: (passage:)'s tags contains "choice") [(set: $Rt to (($likelihoodofspread/100) * $closecontacts * (1-($vaccinatedpercent/100)) * (($NZpopulation-$casestotal)/$NZpopulation)))(set: $deathsthisweek to (round: $casesthisweek_3wago * ($deathrate/100)))(set: $deathstoday to (round: $deathsthisweek/7))(set: $casesrecoveredthisweek to (round: $casesthisweek_3wago - $deathsthisweek))(set:$casesthisweek to (round: $casesactive * $Rt))(set:$casesactive to (round: $casesthisweek_2wago + $casesthisweek - $deathstoday - $casesrecoveredthisweek))(set:$casestoday to (round: $casesthisweek/7))(set: $deathstotal to it + $deathsthisweek)(set: $casesrecoveredtotal to it + $casesrecoveredthisweek)(set: $casestotal to $casesactive + $casesrecoveredtotal + $deathstotal)(set: $ventilatoroccupancy to ($casesactive *0.05))]
(if: $casestotal is >= 4871773) [(set:$casestotal to 4871773)](if: $deathstoday is < 0) [(set:$deathstoday to 'there were too many to count')](if: $casestoday is < 0) [(set:$casestoday to 'everyone already has COVID-19')](if: $casesactive is < 0) [(set:$casesactive to 1547192)](if: $vaccinatedpercent is >= 100) [(set:$vaccinatedpercent to 100)]
↶↷
This Is A COVID-19 Announcement
Tēnā koe and congratulations!
You are now the Prime Minister of Aotearoa New Zealand.
You are responsible with leading us through the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Will you choose freedom or tyranny?
Will you choose to let people live or die?
Will you choose to give people what they want?
It's all up to you.
Please note that this is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental. You are not the real Prime Minister. Unless you are in which case, please ignore the last two sentences.
Let the country know who is in charge.
Note: this game is not meant to be an accurate model. For that, please refer to the awesome work of Te Pūnaha Matatini researchers Steyn, Plank, and Hendy.